120715-(Un)Feeling Guilt
CURRENT cascadingCourtier CCC does the usual wake up routine to scrubbing slime and dressing himself -- CCC: "Huh, at least they left it open for me to get out, that's nice." He talks to himself as he walks out and into the hallway, heading towards the office. CCC: "They also could've just unlocked it though..." He mutters as an afterthought CSO: The office is... unusually clean. Everything is put away. Libby's desk is cleared of everything. You realize that a big mound of books in the corner is actually a side table. CCC: "..." He idly walks into the room, looking curiously at the side table CSO: It appears to be something made of solid white stone, and is cool to the touch. CCC: He does indeed touch the stone, casually dragging a hand across the cool surface. CSO: You hear footsteps in the hallway, and a few moments later, Libby enters. She seems very plain, not wearing Serios' jacket, or her pajamas. Just white bandages and a white shift over her white skin. CCC: He looks up at her arrival. "Hey Libby." He gives a sad smile. CSO: She nods. "Nyarla. I see that you're awake." CCC: "Yeah...should I ask about her fate?" CSO: "That's up to you." CCC: "I will, if only for confirmation." CCC: "Did you kill her?" CSO: "No. She killed herself." CCC: "..oh." He seems to stare off into space for a moment at tears start welling up in his and rolling down his cheeks. CCC: He wipes the tears off on his sleeve, composing himself. CCC: "...wasp letting that happen the right choice?" CCC: "...is 'right' even a thing that can be?" CSO: She leans against her desk. "We all have to make hard decisions for the good of those we love, for the future of our various peoples." CCC: "...yeah, if anything is 'right', it's that." CSO: "I know that I've done things that I feel guilt for, but not regret, for Serios' sake. You will do the same, and so will he, and all the rest of you that survive." CCC: "Feel guilt for...but not regret?" CCC: "I know they're not exactly synonymous, but how is there one without the other?" CSO: "Guilt is feeling as though you have done something wrong. Something for which you must make amends. Regret implies you would not do the thing again, if you had the opportunity to change it." CSO: "There are terrible things I have done, that while I feel the oppressive weight of them on my shoulders, I would do them again in a heartbeat, as the benefits of those actions outweigh the negatives." CCC: "Hehe, that sounds pretty noble actually. In an 'ends justify the means' kind of way." CSO: "It isn't noble. It is dirty, and tedious, and painful, and disgusting. The ends do not justify the means, but the means must be employed anyhow. And I will be the one to pay for it. But at least when my end comes I will die knowing that I did what I had to do to save his future." CCC: "Well that all is enlightening. I didn't say it 'wasp' noble, just that it sounded like it. I can really feel your conviction. Inspiring almost. I'm curious the scale of what you would go through for his sake. Is there ever a too much?" CSO: "If there is I have yet to encounter it." CCC: "He worries, you know? About where we stand. You in relation to the rest of us." CCC: "I do too, sometimes. Though I try to have faith you won't assassinate me or anything. Yet, at least." He gives a half hearted chuckle. CSO: "I wish he'd just ask me. Talk to me. He comes to me and asks for information, he comes to me and says he'd like to spend time together. Maybe this is the cosmic joke. That I've waited eternities for him and in the time lost any ability to be anything other than a construct of the game myself." CCC: "Funny that as direct as he is, he can't seem to broach that with you. I mean, I've tried tips here and there. He'll comb around, he's just nervous. Doesn't want to say the wrong thing or order you or anything like that." CSO: "I know he told you." CCC: "Told me what?" CSO: "What I showed him." CSO: "He misunderstood what I said, though. We were both emotional at the time." CSO: "But it's not as though I deserve the chance for an explanation." CCC: "You doomed so many sessions...is it really truly worth it? You could have fallen for another like the future with me. Could've been free of the terrors. Etcetera." CCC: "I'm not even worried about them, what about you and what you've put yourself through?" CSO: She frowns. "I didn't doom any sessions. This is what he misunderstood." CCC: He raises an eyebrow. "Then can I ask what actually happened?" CCC: "If only so I can understand and you can trust me enough to not assassinate me after this." A slightly more nervous chuckle than before CSO: She sighs. "Like I tried to explain. To be able to genetically engineer humans, trolls, and twinks, and cross breed them if necessary, I had to have samples of other genetics." CSO: "I had never worked with any race other than twinks before I became the Oracle, but I was able to get a small amount of information on your own species' genetics, enough to begin practicing with other work. Most of those I worked with are from the bodies of the dead, in sessions that failed, and would have failed without my intervention - doomed timelines." CSO: "Occassionally, however, I was forced to take someone who had successfully completed their session. Their friends and allies went on to enjoy the reward, and I took them. Those were in situations where the person with the appropriate genetic code was the key to the success of their session." CCC: "Couldn't you have only taken a DNA sample?" CSO: "No. Not for the kind of study I needed to do. I needed cadavers." CCC: "The bodies of the dead, is fine. I understand that, but stealing away their salvation. It's a hard pill to swallow." CSO: "You think you're the only one who chokes on it?" CSO: "I did it for Serios. So that he would never have to grow old and watch his people die out." CSO: "And I would do it again, in a heartbeat, for him." CCC: "Impressive dedication. I guess it pointless to claw for other options and possibilities, You did what you had to." CSO: "It took me a long time to learn mercy. You have to understand, in twink culture, murdering others because you need them dead is considered as reasonable as installing a fan in your hive because it is warm." CSO: "It didn't occur to me, not until your universe was created, and I could begin consuming your media, that anyone would have any problem with what I had done - that I should feel any kind of guilt for it." CCC: He idly strokes the stone. "Troll culture is a bit less murdery so forgive us for seeming soft." CCC: "Not too much less murdery though, don't get me wrong." CCC: "Though do you really feel guilt for it? Or is that new because of our culture?" CCC: "Like, is it for your sake or his?" CSO: "It is new. It is something I learned. Before, I felt it was..." She taps her chin for a moment. "tragic. But I didn't view the players as friends. Just literary characters." CCC: "...I see. Is that how you view the rest of us?" CSO: "No. Not anymore." CCC: "...And when did that change?" CSO: "When I began observing you, outside of your roles as heroes." CCC: "What made us differant than any of the other sessions?" CCC: "Weren't they people the same as us?" CSO: "Because of Serios." CSO: She sighs. "I don't have time for another three hour argument with you. It's not like you'll learn anything." CCC: "I'm not arguing with you. I don't want to either." CCC: "Like, if we can never argue again, I'd be a happy troll." CSO: "I wouldn't mind it." CSO: "Do me a favor?" CCC: "Wasp's the favor?" CSO: "I can't find Carayx." CSO: Her brow is furrowed. CCC: He raises his eyebrows. CSO: "After you all split up at the last encounter, Carayx vanished." CSO: "I would like you to endeavor to find her." CCC: "I know she made it out of the fight, she wasp pestering Aaisha. But yeah, I'll track her down." CSO: "Thank you." Libby turns to her desk, and opens a drawer, pulling out a file. "I'm going back to sleep. If you need me, you know how to find me." CCC: "Yeah. See you later, Libby." He's already started off back to his room. Category:Libby Category:Nyarla